You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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