I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
