You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just high enough for therapy.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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