Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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