I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
