Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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