Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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