you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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