apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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