You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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