i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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