are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
