She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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