i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
