I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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