"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
