But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
