Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
