Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
