Small penises have feelings too.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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