if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
