note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
