Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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