I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He has the fingertips of a God
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