Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
