I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my being single is dangerous.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
