i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm passing your future prison.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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