take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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