I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
