im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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