i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You smell like a Billy Joel song
sarcasm needs its own font
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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