I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
