Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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