Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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