people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
