i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
