How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
