So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
