Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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