nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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