dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
