I didn't shave. On purpose
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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