She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
