laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
