I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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