The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize