You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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