I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
