that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
