The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
