Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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