I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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