All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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