it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
