How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
