I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
