I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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