Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
