I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
