Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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