the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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