rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
