oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Mom said you looked used
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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