so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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